Let it out.

I worked on sunday.
I put up a happy fascade that I have been fine and happy.

It was great I think.
Work till 3am, with my head spinning due to the insufficient sleep the entire week made me fall asleep easily.

It has been a problem all the while. Once again, on Sunday, this problem surface again. Since I was born, expectation was built onto me. The definitions and expectations of how your children will be is always within your perspectives. I have always been expected to be the obedient one out of the 3. I have to be the one who excel in studies, who have to help out in the family business. I know it has always been helping out in the family business = filial piety to you all. I have to study, unlike your perfect little filial son that has been always helping out at home have nothing else to do othe than serving his NS.
For goodness sake. I have a rough time these few weeks.
Emotionally and physically.
Now that I have 3 tests coming but to you all, just that helping out at home is important, that I ain't contributing much into the family.
But have you ever spare a thought how hard is it to study in Singapore? Have you ever wonder what have I been busy doing? Have you ever wonder have I recovered from those pain I suffered? Have you ever wonder why did I want to work?
It is because getting money from you it is like cutting your flesh.
Even though, I'm fucking drained from school, you all don't even bothered.
I have so much so much things on hands that I have to do.

You tell me that I'm stubborn, not willing to listen to your remarks. I had explained to you the situation many times, so many times. I proved to you and you just feel that I'm a bad daughter, am I the stubborn one or you are?
There is never a single solution to a problem.
There is never the correct one, but people just tend to do their own judgement and pass it as the "correct solution".
But is the "correct decision" is the best choice?
I don't think they ever know because their only think they are always right.

If I can do it, I'll do it if it is within my capabilities. But everyone has their own commitments too. You have your business to take care of while I do have my studies to concentrate on. Sometimes you treat me nice, sometimes you treat me bad, I no longer know who am I to you. A stranger with blood relation perharps? I know I am a dumb dumb, not listening to your advice and found loads of problems to myself.
I am thankful that you have always been supportive with my decisions and have always been there when I fall and hurt myself.

I used to love the attention from you, I used to enjoy talking to you.
But things changes slowly without signs.
I no longer know how can I communicate to you.
I no longer feel like a daughter to you.
I just want to run away and hide.
I just want to disappear and no one hears my scream.
Things change so fast that I lost track.
I no longer know myself, I no longer know who am I.


So what my birthday is coming?
It is a insignificant date to everyone else.