Born with it.

I think, I am born with it.
Childhood has never been the same as any other kid.
I never had a barbie doll nor a toy I call mine.
Sadly to say, my bro had an expensive shoes while not me.
He had sega games, ps2, disc man which I never had one.
He had ninja turtle and power ranger toys that I never had.
Maybe because I have a sister, I should have things passed down to me.
I only had babe the pig toy from dad when I was primary 2.
It was a free gift from the petrol station though.
But I still have it with me.
He will never know how much I cherish it.

Children used to have childhood with playground, toys and happy meal.
The childhood I always envy others.
While, I had to be helping out with dad's biz since primary school.
It is a duty to do it as his children.
Things have been happening when I was in primary 5 and 6.
It continued in sec 1 and 2.
I will never forget those "incidents" that scared to me to tears and drive me to study crazily.
I was given cash to go and buy my own birthday cake and collect it myself.

I love you, I really do.
But you all will never know how much I love and wish to talk to you.
I cherish you with all my heart that you will never know.
There was times you pampered me
The sailormoon bag and clothes.
The power ranger sticker book.
The very 1st strawberry ice cream you bought for me from Andersen Ice Cream from Marina Square.
That is when I fall in love with strawberry ice cream.
The support I received when I get my O level results.
The rewards both of you gave me with good results.
The support and encouragement I get when I switched course.
The thoughts that mom remember my birthday.
The only kisses I get from you two on the Christmas 2 years ago.
The HK school trip and shopping spree you gave me.
The reluctance but giving from you when you know that I'm attached.
The hugs I get from both of you when I break up.
The reluctant driving lessons you paid.

You did so much for me..I do love you two.
But I don't know how I ever tell you that.
Though I have been quiet and less interactive and more rebellious towards you.
And I do know that you love me just that you don't express it.
I don't know how to manage myself anymore.
I don't know how can I live up to your expectations anymore.
I'm losing myself. I don't know who am I, what am I anymore.