exhausted

2 Presentations are down.
Left with 1.

Been sleeping late for the past few days.
Doing project at MJ's place till 2.30am on Monday.
Do project in school till school's mac canteen have to closed yesterday.
Left school at 11.27pm, PeiLing and I are lucky enough to board our last bus.
I only managed to sleep at 5am this morning, was busy with today's presentations.

Today, we have a morning project meeting at 8am.
I was punctual. =)

I went home to catch some sleep today.
I went to amkhub to meet drin for movie.
I wanted to watch the dark night but ended up watching money not enough 2.
It has been so long since I last cried like shit watching a movie.
My heart aches.
It reminds me of my parents.
The love and care they have shower on us are always seen negligible.
The only that are closest and love us the most are the people we treated the worst.
The sacrifies they did exceed what we can imagined.
Their love is the greatest.
We will only realised their goodness when we lost them I guessed.
Myopia.

Hey drin, sorry for the chocolate I gave you.
It worsen your health and mental condition.

For those who read my blog, there are things I mentioned before and it is still that. =)

Did I take a wrong step?
Things are becoming worst?
My sacarsm and blurness never leaves people in physical or mental agony I guessed.
I thought everything was fine.
But it was just my one sided thoughts I guessed.
How can I do to minimize the effects of my actions?
But whenever I think of it, I never manage to come out with a perfect solution.

There is so much in my mind, so much to do and exams are coming up.
Thought this topic shouldn't be an issue now.

When it meant to be, it will meant to be when the time is right.

now..

I didn't managed to pass it again.
Too anxious. I don't know why.
Can anyone teach me how to calm myself ?

Today school was pretty relax.
Handed up retail project, one is down and a few more to go.
International cross culture ica 4, Hospitality marketing and Hotel, resort and leisure industry left.

jia you. jia YOU. JIA YOU!

A long talk.
Or it has always been an on going topic with me ignoring it?
Things has been repeated many times.
But ignorance is a bliss.
But i'm no longer entitled to it.
Well hidden truth has transpired.
But it doesn't want to make a difference.
Just leave it that way.
Just leave it that way.
It is fragile enough, don't shake it.

I love my dad.
He is the only man I can entrust myself to.

He is a busy businessman.
He start work at 8.30am every morning and only sleeps about 11pm.

Sunday, he spared time to drive sister and I down to the temple to do prayers for my driving.
We travelled all the way to Jurong, but they are having religion dinner.
So, we travelled to Bukit Batok to find aunt, my dad's elder sister.
I told daddy I wanted to eat fried chicken wings, he brought me and sister to eat it.
We had chicken wings, jumbo fish balls and cheng teng.
He brought us blueberry cheese tart for breakfast too. =)

On Monday, I had driving till 8pm. I called dad at 9pm, he is still at the temple getting me an amulet. The temple isn't just that you can just walk in and walk out within 10minutes.

I'm seriously touched by his effort.
My dad.
I thought I wasn't important to him.
But he doesn't show his love for us that easily.
I love him. I love my mum too.
She always make an effort I am fine and healthy.
She always make sure she know what is in my life and how have they been.

The ones that never betray your trust.

I don't know what is wrong with me !!

My studies is horrible. My attitude is horrendeous.

I am so short tempered.
I am easily agitated.
Is it due to pms, or is it due to stress? Sickness? Or others?
Are they the reasons or just explanation to make myself feel better?
F*.
I get so moody so easily.
I'm sorry people if you are one of the victim of my frustrations.

I hate myself for not focusing hard on my studies.
I hate myself for being so slack and not bothered when tests were here.
I seriously deserve the grade I had.
The amount of effort put in, the amount of results reflect.

I hereby pronounce, I, So Kim Choo, wouldn't be any more slacker.
I will work bloody hard to get my GPA increased.
I won't be distracted by any external control.
What I do is what I get.
What I want, I can and I will acheive it!

Nothing. Nothing is going to stop me from achieving what I want.

I will remain calm.
I will be careful.
I will revise.
I will do my best.

May the luck and wishes be with me!

busy week

I had a busy very week.

Wednesday
I watched "Get Smart" with Des.f.
He was late.
I bought the tickets, accompany Mj and her bf and all bought their food, finished them and left for their movie and he isn't here yet. =.=

Waiting for people isn't exactly my forte, especially guys. =.=
Anyway, went he arrived, we had dinner and off to movie.
Lucky the movie was good.

Thursday
I had school and project meeting.
After them at 6pm, I rushed down to work.
Left work at 11pm as I'm having project on Friday at 10am.
Thanks Shaik for the free ride. =D

Friday
Project at 10am, school till 4pm, off to driving till 8pm and I went to work.
Yes, I reported work at 9pm.
I worked OT till 2.30am.
Work was a little busy but it was fine. =)
Working with all my darlings and friends to crap.

Saturday.
I'm a super unlucky person. My left eye was actually twitching since I woke up.

1) I woke up late. Missed my 2 alarms setting.
2) I scratched my left leg against my drawer's corner and it bled.
3) I missed bus 138 to ssdc.
4) I got a scratched on my right hand when I get down the bus.
5) Driving center was packed. I only managed to do 2 circuit items in 30mins.
6) Waited for Serene for 20-30 mins at mrt station but she end up telling me she will be reporting work late..hahas.. *loves, don't worry. I'm not angry eh? =) *
7) My group has to serve 4 tables with 2 baby chairs and 4 kids meals.
8) 2 tables has late guest (about half a table each) that entered after the door was closed.
9) 2 new guys, not very new but maybe work like a few months?
10) 1 missing staff. She was re-allocated but she didn't check neither anyone mentioned to her.
11) Told captains and manager of the missing staffs, told me they saw her but no one looked her for me till something happened.
12) 1st time, I was reprimanded by Su-An for asking me to stopped service.
But that guest's glass was empty and toasting was going to happened soon. Should I wait for the guest to raise his hand and complained to me that his glass is empty or should I anticipate the situation and correct it?
What do you expect from me when 1 staff went missing, 2 of the guys are away picking up appetizer while I have to served the appetizer as well as the served beverage to the rest.
How fast do you think I can do my service?
I always kena such grouping. =.=
13)That missing staff found helping out in the wrong group.When she saw the food, was here, she wanted to bring the dirty glasses to the stewarding but not serving the food first. =.=
14) The guys were blur. They only picked up 26 warm appetizer for 4 tables (usually about 40 guests). I had to get others to give me their extras.
15) Dessert has 3 parts: chocolate cream brule, 1 shot glass contain mango and passion and lastly is the cheese cake. Tabeta spoon is always placed on the left or above the dessert but that missing staff girl insisted that the presentation was having the chocolate on the left with the spoon on the left. =.= Fuck. Most of the guests are right hander, it is so fucking dumb to place it on the left and chocolate was supposed to be the on the right side of the plate. And she told me that the shot glass dessert should use the normal spoon to eat it. =.=
16) I don't know why, but my shot glass dessert fell on the floor, did not stain the carpet much but it stained the whole of the bottom of my skirt plus stockings. =.=
17) Cherlyn accidentally hit her hand on my right eye while she was gesturing while talking.

It sum up all my suay-ness.
So I actually know that I am an unlucky person, I never join lucky draw. Hahas..

End work at 2.30am again.

Sunday
Project at Mj's place, Yew Tee.
From about 1pm plus to 5.45pm and I'm to home.
I left the girls early to go praying, but ended up they have "big day" and invited alot of people to "eat tables" ( eat dinner) together and I can't do the praying at the temple.=(
I am busy on Mon n Tues too. Grrr..
My suay-ness continued.

15th July 08

Lesson at 10am.
French always makes me wanna fast forward the lesson.
There will be e assesment for french, role playing and online assesment in class.
3 ica component. =.=

We had to wait till till 6 for the role play for Icca Ica 3.
Though at 1st the role play seemed screwed but we managed to clinch our objective by the end of the time.
Good partnership with Shahira's group. =D

After school, Mj and I went to Theresa to trim our eyebrows with Syl's company.
Went to Popular to get Mj's brushes and we went back to AMKhub again.

I met Aldrin for his birthday's dinner.
Nothing fancy, ate at one of the Hong Kong restaurant at AMKhub.
After dinner, we slacked at McCafe.
I got him cakes and Vanilla Latte.
What is birthday without birthday cake eh?

Awhile later, we headed to the interchange and off to home.

Thanks for the dinner and the sweets stuffs.
Don't try to make me silly again ah.
Hope your birthday wasn't too shabby.
Once again. Happy birthday.

I'm tired. So much to do, yet I couldn't do any. =(
Shaken but remain firm.

l o v e ?

Twilight male character, Eward is so sweet.
My clique girls are slowly falling in love with him.
Love can be so amazing.
How can a guy be that sweet?
There are always male leads from movies, dramas and books who are so sweet, romantic and loving.
But how come I didn't meet any? Lol.

How do you fall in love with someone?
For the huge one time thing that someone did to you?
Or the accumulation of small little thoughts and actions that he did?
For me, it is the latter.
It is the effort that counts.
The continuation of determination and sincerity.

Remember those little things he or she likes.
Doing little thoughtful actions for the one who matters.
Is it tiring ?
But since she or he is the one you like, doesn't it makes doing such things come naturally?
Unknowingly, you will take notice of his or her preference.
Naturally you want to do every single thing to make he or she happy.
Because you love him or her.
So doing all these is never a chore.
But when feelings isn't that strong or fades.
Or just that you overlooked that one used to matter that much, taking him or her for granted.
Noticing the details and doing little things for that smile become a pain in the ass.

Bringing a jacket out with her, just to ensure she is warm become redundant.
Sending a good morning message or a good night message become unnecessary.
Used to think that letting the one you love know that he or she is the first your mind when you woke up and the last one you miss when you sleep is sweet.
But now it become too mushy?

It is one to interpret but never anyone to judge.
Yea, I know. One man's meat is another poison.
I agreed on this one.

Easily contented.
Mutual understanding.
Trust.
Faith.
Honesty.
Willingness
Commitment.
Communication.
All these are the keys to maintain a relationship.
Falling in love is easy .
But how both party are willing to work hard for the relationship to work is the hardest part.

I know a couple get together in such a short while and have trust and faith to be tied together for the rest of their lives sound so magical to me.
I wish them with all the happiness and bliss they can get with each other love.

Not that I don't believe in love.
It is one of the most beautiful human relations that one should experience.
But at this moment, i have no trust and faith in it.
I love a little too genuine.
I understand it a little too much.
I go through a little too deep.
It hurts me a little too painful.
I trusted too much to discover lies.
Thus, now I need a break before I lose my faith in love.
It may take awhile but I believe it take years.
For me to believe the creation call love.

Somehow, somewhat.
Such effort of mine shouldn't be done.
Why am I feeling a little more than I should.
I know the facts.
Been there, done that.
Sometimes a little more is good.
But the feeling without it annoys me.
I know exactly how and what should be done.
Can I believe and trust?
Expectations, anticipation and promises are never real in my life.
I heard what was said.
But it can be so contradicted with actions.
Never to judge, time will tell.
Just listen to it and see how it goes.
It could be just my imaginations of the past.
No sway. No persuasion.
Block it, leave it and I'll be fine.

Overspent

I was late for project meeting yesterday.
Late for an hour.
So unlike me when I am the one who stayed the nearest.
I cabbed down to starbucks and we did project from 12pm to 5pm.

We took 980 to bugis. The bus was packed and we had to wait till the stop at Little India to have more personal space of our own.

I seldom shopped at bugis and I planned to keep them compnay without any purchase being done.
But it was always in my shopping list to get a dress and my footwear.
I bought a pair of sandals from charles and keith and a off shoulder dress. =)

Total expenditure of 2 cabbing trips, 1 Starbucks venti rasberries tea frap, Ajisen hotate remen, 1 pair of sandals and a dress.
I nearly spent $100 in a day.
God.
Over spent.

The rain was damn heavy last night.
MJ, Pei and I had figuring what was ahead of the road.
I were driving at such weather, I bet I'll be either driving super slow or parked at somewhere for lighter rain before proceeding.
Damn dangerous to drive at such weather.

The distance between the cab and my gate was like less than 10 steps but I was drenched in such a short while. =.=
Bad weather lead to bad internet connection for my area. I can't accessed to do my work.
GRRRR.
I hate it.

By the way, it is 12.38pm.
I was supposed to be attending FMA tutorial.
But the girls decided to skipped it. It isn't my forte to skip lesson.
But I am so exhausted today.
I don't know why.

view of mine

No promises.

No aticipations.

No expectations.

Not looking for these in others but only from myself.

I live my own life, control my own decision.

Thus, my satisfaction comes from myself.

Only myself can make myself truly satisfy and happy.

I am my own doing.

11th July.

A month after my birthday.

I studied till late on Friday morning, slept about 2am or 3am to prepare for FMA test.
I reached school about 10am to do some revision for the test with Peiling and Sylvia.

I didn't manage to finish the test. I know how to do it, just a bad management of time.
I'm sadded. Haiz.

School was till 3.30pm.
I took a 30minutes nap before preparing for Aldrin's chalet.

I am officially broke for the week.
So I ate a little dinner before heading down to bishan to meet Cherlyn.
We cabbed to fetch Sam and head down to the chalet.

When we arrived, I felt weird there.
I don't know how should I feel being there but I tried my best to be comfortable, after all it's his chalet. Not mine. Hahas..so of course there are many people I don't know too.

Cherlyn went for to celebrate someone else birthday and left me and Sam there.
We were like chatting and crapping the whole time.
When we came back, no one was bbbq-ing so Sam and I decided to do some bbq-ing.
I didn't realise my bbq skills are not that bad, the chicken wings are nice, cooked and not burnt!

I actually wanted to go up to the room and sleep. I was freaking tired already since 1am plus. So Sam was telling the guys that I am off to bed, so asking if they want to drink.
I had 2 glasses of appletini with sprit. It was light and not very strong alcohol taste, not that bad actually. =)
But I cannot tahan already. I am really tired, so I went up to sleep.
When it was time to go, I woke up, went down to the toilet and when I'm done, I can't stand up.
Hahas, I don't know why.
Maybe I drank with my stomach empty and I went to lie down.
But I managed to walk all the way to the taxi. =)

When I was about to alight from the cab, Shaik offered to send me home but I told him I am fine making my way home.
Once I alighted, I couldn't walk properly and I started to vomit.
Shaik alighted from the cab to offer me tissue and even sent me home.

It was the first time I vomited due to drinking and this time, I didn't even drink a lot.
It has been so long since I last vomited, drinking plus my motion sickness = vomiting.
My throat burnt but after vomiting, I feel so much better. =)

I appreciated you getting me my favourite ice cream.
I actually wanted to eat it when they bought it but I was busy bbqing and I left it in the fridge.
It is not as if I don't like it becuase you bought it, it is just the time and opportunity involved.
Actually I was very tired, I had a long day.
I wanted to sleep so drinking made me more sleepy.
I drank because I was chilling with my friends.
And appletini smelt so nice and I wanted to try it.
I forgotten that lying down once you drink will heighten the alcohol effect.
So I had myself into that state.
I'm sorry, it's your birthday celebration and I screwed your mood.
I'll think twice before going down the next time.

swirl

Today we had a ritz gang's dinner at the industrial area.
Good food with tom yam soup, vegetables, fried sotong, fried fish in thai style, chicken and chilli prawns. Just have to pay $10 for the sumptous meal.
Today's company include: Leonard, Leon, Wei Quan, Square, Simon, Lynette, Andrew, Jie Wen, VK, Wee Kiat, Pong, Chew Hung, Lian Yin and I.
After dinner 13 of us proceed to Northpoint to chill while Wei Quan went off to meet his friends.
Good chilling company!
I will definitely miss those that went off to army.
Sometimes I'm a litlle not used to not having them calling me auntie.
Hahas..Many of them not working already. =(

Grrr. Someone flied my plane. Not once but a few times.
So maybe I won't have a movie date for long.
Anyone else want to date me out for a movie?

Somehow I started to dislike promises.
There are so many that I heard before and made to me.
How many are fulfilled?
I don't like it when people cannot practise what they preach?
It happened so often.
From young till now.
People who stay in my life or those who have move on, many had made empty promises.

I don't know why I said that.
Or all those I said.
I know that it will somehow upset you.
I don't know what I can do to have you experience the minimal pain.
I felt bad.

Grr. Feel so helpless in these situations I'm in.
Seeing people suffering in pain, people I love but there is nothing I can do.
I always thought I am in control, but I'm not.
Thought that doing things the selfish ways to make myself feel better, but it doesn't.
I am still worried about others.
Am I a bad figure having people going through what they go through?
Did I play a part too?
Am I mean to have my own stand, believe and things I want to achieve where it may not be any thing beneficial to others?

Nothing much at all.

I feel so transparent at somewhere so familiar.
The expectations from me were high.
Or they were once there and now, they are no longer there?
Am I known to them?
Am I still exist to them?
What more can I do?
I'm already at my limitations.
I feel like I'm fighting a war at the losing end.
Can I just let go and slip into darkness?
Can I just dug a hole and sink myself in?
Can I just ran away and hide away forever?

How many children do you have?
2.
Oh no, 3.
Maybe I'm such an accident.
Why am I fucking bother about Family when they don't fucking bother about me unless they want something from me.
They needed my service, they see me.
If not, only their precious son is in their eyes.

I don't know how much longer I can hold on.
I felt anger. Sorrow. Disappointment. Jealousy. Helpless but not love.
This is my only channel to vent out my frustrations.
When will they know what have I been through?
Oh right, they won't be bothered.

What the fuck is wrong with everything.
I tried my best to look at things in a different light.
How much longer can I conceal.
Maybe this is the best way to learn independent and self reliance.

He and they won.
I pronounced them the winners.
And I am just a dummy.
A backup tool, that is useful once awhile.

I just want to let go.
Slip into darkness.
And there won't be any emotions and troubles for me to bear anymore.

Frustrations

Buying this handphone seem to be a wrong decision.
The singtel plan sucks.
The handphone has so much problems and it wasn't cybershot. =(
I have to go through so much troubles solving all these.

Met up with Leon in the noon to borrow his spare handphone as mine is goin to the service center.
I alighted at Orchard while he headed to Beach Road to meet Leonard.
I wanted to go alone to the service center but Drin offered his company.
I met him and made our way to service centre.
After that, we had lunch, went to singtel to do my complaint of my inactive IDD caller.
Went over to Starbucks to study and awhile later he left for his grandma's birthday celebration.

I was there alone continued my research for my retail studies but I left for home before 9pm, too hungry.
But guess what?
No dinner.
Yesterday and today. Mum cooked but there isn't much left over.
So, I am stubborn enough not eating anything too.
Don't know why, but I just felt angry over it.
There is always good and sufficient food mum would cook when brother comes home for dinner. But does it means staying at home, I don't deserve to eat?
Maybe.

Grrr.. Today I had a stir at home.
Fuck sial. I thought he has grown up, him being in army and getting marry, I thought he should be so much more sensible.
But no, he is still love to compare sister with him and I.
Claiming that he is a fucking filial son that do good boot licking in front of daddy while I just do what I can do silently.
Being a leo, he is such a show off and braggart to make sure he is the best child they have.

My life is in a deep mess.
Most things are pretty screwed up.
I need to analyse, rearrange and plan them out.
I have enough problems of myself and don't have to add on more of others to mine.
I have no intention to make any decision for anyone other than myself.
Now, I have my stand and things I have to focus on.
I wish you luck.
But I need it more for myself.

=D

People, I finally have a tag board.
So feel free to tag when you all misses me!
Hahas..more changes will be coming up but I'm tired already. =X

Anyone can help me or teach me how to load song into blogger.com?
=X

worn

I had a long night yesterday.
School was at 10am.
1pm to 6pm was project and I headed down to city hall.
Gene was late.

So when he arrived, we went to get take away from KFC and some squid beard.
We went to sit around esplanade, hearing the national day rehearsal, picinicing under the stars.
Hahas..that was something I want to do long ago, it was supposed to be something romantic, and doing with some one you fancy but with him..hahas..just made me laugh.

But the catch up session was good.
We were chatted, laughed and joke about those people who were there. =X
The interesting about esplanade, as the day become darker, the more people there will be there?
It was like a crowd big enough for a party to get going.
Hahas..Weird.

It was time to go, I felt the change of my body temperature.
Cold, hot and cold again.
When I stand up, my vision blacked out.
Forehead was cold.

The journey home was hard. I felt as if I was drunk and I couldn't judge my vision well.
I managed to get home safely and awhile later, I'm sleeping like a log.

*Come on people.
It is one and the half month struggle.
From now to exam.
Projects, ,tutorials, tests, quiz, deadlines, presentations and examinations.
Persevere all the way.*

What the fuck I'm doing.
Let it go and focus on your study.
High expectation for others,
but higher for myself.
Stopped venting your anger and expect everyone in your pace.
Don't dance them around your fingers like puppets.
Live my own life the way I planned.

Screwed my body.

Family problems never subside.
Is there an alternative that I can do?
What is the right way?
I know, they is never a right way.

I finished my tutorials at 2am last night.
Did my dad's accounting for the month of June. Abt 15 companies.
By the time I was done with typing and printing, it was already 4.30am.

I know I needed a minumum of 4hours of sleep if not I will definitely overslept.
But by the time I lay on my bed, it was 5am.
I have to wake up at 8am for the school at 9am.

I managed to not to be late = I slept for only 3hours.
I had diarrohea plus gastrics in the morning, running to the toilet a few times. Grrr..
I had a bomb prata and a hot milo for breakfast.

I had marketing hospitality project from 3-6.30pm today.
Before project I had chicken maccroni and I thought my tummy was fine.
But gastrics happened again when I went to Hello! at AMKHub about 8.30pm after reaching home awhile.
I wanted to sleep once I'm home.
But due to my dear brother, he dragged on the porting of my old mobile number from Starhub to Singtel for a month. Now, I had to pay for both bills. Grrr.

Luckily Lina picked me up from AMKHub and drove me to return my library books.
Great, I forgotten to return one of it. Grr..I have to go back again.
It was so so over due. =X

After she drove Alywine to Nee Soon Camp (just behind our estate), we headed home.
Talking to her, this persistent problem has been happening for long.
For her, 4 years.
It has alot of impacts on her, it has made her from recovery and slide back into darkness.

Her story was slightly similar to mine.
Talking to heri is like she is my reflection.
Facing my problem, my history all over again.
I'm just slightly lucky, It was shorter.
Memories as much.
But I know what I want.
Mind over heart.
I am determine and stubborn enough to make it the way I want it.

I talked to her till 11pm.
It has been long since I talked to her.
Darling, no matter what, I'm here for you.
Just look for me..4 houses away.
I'll be there for you.

I have to go to bed soon.
I have been surviving on 3hours of sleep.
Before that, I'm eating crabs! =X
I can never resist seafood. =X

I know, I have been sleeping after 3am every day for 4 weeks.
Sleeping time like 4am, 5am or even 7am.
Sleeping like 3 to 6hours each time.
I know I have been eating irregular meals.
I'll rest to take care of my body.
But there is so much to do, so little time.
I'll..I'll try my best.

I need sleep.